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    5 Warning Signs It’s Time to Try Couples Counseling

    January 5, 2020

    When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps […]

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    5 Warning Signs It’s Time to Try Couples Counseling

    January 5, 2020

    When you first fell in love, you could never imagine that someday the sound of your partner chewing could make you want to scream. It’s inevitable that once we are out of our honeymoon phase and reality sets in, we realize that all relationships take work and compromise. But while some couples may hit bumps in the road every so often, other couples find themselves in bigger trouble, with neither party knowing exactly how to fix things.

    If you are in a relationship that is no longer feeling healthy, here are 5 warning signs that it may be time to try couples counseling:

    1. There is No Longer Healthy Communication

    Once you have a communication breakdown, you are unable to rationally share thoughts, feelings, and concerns with each other. Beyond this, unhealthy communication tends to leave one or both partners feeling depressed, angry and hopeless.

    2. Trust Has Been Broken

    When there has been infidelity, it is very difficult for the couple to rebuild trust and repair the damage. While there is no magic pill to recover from an affair, a therapist can offer tools and strategies to rebuild trust.

    3. You’re More Like Roommates

    If you and your partner act more like roommates than romantic partners, this indicates a lack of intimacy and a potential need for professional help.

    4. One or Both of You Has Begun Acting Out

    You try to mask your real feelings for as long as possible, but then you start to act out the hurt and resentment you may be feeling. For instance, if your partner has been unfaithful and you have agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out. But over time you find yourself lashing out, acting rude and trying to make them believe you are having an affair so they will feel the same kind of hurt. This acting out is unhealthy for both people and is a BIG indicator you need to seek some help.

    5. When the Only “Solution” Seems to be Separation/Divorce

    A break from negative energy can be very helpful to the relationship. But when a temporary break leads to more and more time away from home and someone renting their own apartment, this indicates a need for counseling. Spending time away from home usually doesn’t lead to any real resolution, just more distance.

     

    If you and your partner are interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch with me. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, General

    Are You Married to a Narcissist?

    January 4, 2020

    When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits […]

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    Are You Married to a Narcissist?

    January 4, 2020

    When you met your spouse, did it seem like love at first sight? Was there a familiarity to them and a feeling that you were somehow drawn to them? Soon after you said “I do,” did they begin to change? Were they giving you less attention and making everything about them? Did they show fits of rage or suddenly start giving you the silent treatment?

    If any (or most) of this sounds familiar, there’s a very good chance you married a narcissist. Still not sure? Here are some common warning signs:

    Unreasonable Expectations

    For narcissists, it’s all about THEM. This means your spouse may expect you to meet their needs 24/7 while your own are placed on the back burner. If you find you give and they take ALL of the time, you may be married to a narcissist.

    Jealousy

    They talk a good game, but narcissists actually have low self-esteem. This also makes it very easy for them to become jealous – VERY jealous. And not just about anyone interested in your romantically, but ANYONE who can take focus off of them, including children, pets and other friends and family members. This jealousy will trigger intense rage.

    Projection

    Narcissists all have the same power play and that is to project their own behaviors onto others. You see politicians do this all of the time. Your spouse may say that you are needy or have anger issues, and in your head, you are thinking, “Wow, you are so describing YOU right now.” Yes, they are – they are projecting.

    No (or Fake) Apologies

    Narcissists have no empathy. That is, they truly don’t have the ability to look at something from another person’s perspective. You may be hurting or having a bad day, but your spouse seems completely uninterested. They ARE uninterested.

    No empathy also makes it hard for them to take any responsibility for their behaviors and actions. But they have enough awareness to know they should at least make it LOOK as if they care, so they will throw you a hollow apology every so often.

    Narcissistic abuse is very real, and if you have been the victim, you most likely feel exhausted and shell-shocked, lacking confidence and self-worth. If you would like to talk to someone about this, please be in touch with me. I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help you heal from the abuse you’ve endured.

    Filed Under: Abuse/Neglect, Couples/Marriage, General, Issues for Women

    Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?

    January 3, 2020

    When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce. According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory […]

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    Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?

    January 3, 2020

    When I first started my practice, I remember reading a statistic about divorce that I found shocking. And that was that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce.

    According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While everyone has their theory as to why the rate is falling, the theory among therapists is that it is because marriage counseling actually works, and more couples are giving it a try.

    If you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, here are some reasons why you should give marriage counseling a try:

    Identifying Patterns

    One of the biggest benefits of seeking counseling is having help seeing negative behavioral patterns, whether those patterns are yours as individuals and/or as a couple. Healing can only begin once patterns have been recognized.

    Impartial Advice

    A therapist is not like a friend or family member who is going to take sides and hand out potentially harmful advice. Marriage counselors have a track record of dealing with all sorts of marital issues and want to understand what’s going on so they can offer the best strategies for healing.

    A Safe Space

    Marriage counseling offers both spouses a safe space to be completely open and honest with their feelings. If not delivered in the right space, complete honesty can have adverse effects. Counseling offers a safe environment in which no one is ever judged.

    A Place to Rebuild Trust

    Trust is the bedrock of every relationship. But when that trust is broken, as it is through infidelity, it is hard to put the pieces back together. Marriage counselors have years of experience dealing with issues of infidelity. Counseling explores different ways to rebuild trust one step at a time.

    Bringing Out Toxic Emotions

    Did you know that trapped toxic emotions are one of the main reasons marriages break down? When you have feelings of anger, resentment and frustration locked deep inside you, they fester there and make matters worse. Counseling offers the space and opportunity to let these emotions out in healthy, respectful ways.

     

    If your relationship is on the rocks right now, divorce is not your only solution. Thousands of couples have been helped by marriage counseling and it’s worth it to you both to give it a shot.

    If you’d like to explore counseling, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: Couples/Marriage, General, Issues for Women

    Coping with the Holidays After Loss

    January 2, 2020

    For many people, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones. But for those who have suffered a recent loss, the holidays can be painful and isolating. Here are some ways you can cope with the holidays after a loss: Recognize You are Not Alone It’s easy to feel as though you are the […]

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    Coping with the Holidays After Loss

    January 2, 2020

    For many people, the holidays are about spending time with loved ones. But for those who have suffered a recent loss, the holidays can be painful and isolating.

    Here are some ways you can cope with the holidays after a loss:

    Recognize You are Not Alone

    It’s easy to feel as though you are the only one experiencing great pain during the holiday season. Everywhere you turn, people seem to be happy, putting up decorations, buying gifts and making holiday plans. It’s important to recognize the truth right now, and that is that you are not alone. There are people all over the world who have experienced loss, some perhaps very recently.

    Honor Your Pain

    No one expects you to feel joyful and in the holiday mood right now, so don’t feel as though you must pretend for others’ sake. It is very important that you honor whatever emotions you may be experiencing, whether it’s sadness, anger, regret or a combination.

    Take Your Time

    The holidays are usually a busy time for people. There is much to accomplish and many events to host and/or attend. You do not have to keep your normal schedule this year. You simply will not have the mental or emotional stamina for it. So take the time you need. If you don’t feel like attending many (or any) events this year, that is fine. People will understand.

    Help Others in Need

    One of the worst parts about losing a loved one is the feeling that we no longer have any control over our lives. Loss makes us feel helpless. One way to fight this feeling is to help others who are in need. As a bonus, connecting with others who are hurting can often be a salve on our hearts as well.

    When Don’t These Guidelines Apply?

    If you have children, it’s important to understand that they are looking to you right now to know what life will be like from now on. To a child, the loss of a parent or sibling can frighten them terribly. Though you may not at all feel like celebrating the holidays, doing so helps your child know that life does go on and that there is space in your life to feel joy along with sadness.

     

    If you have experienced loss and would like to explore grief counseling, please be in touch. You don’t have to suffer alone.

    Filed Under: Depression, General, Grief

    Do You Have C-PTSD?

    January 2, 2020

    You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even […]

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    Do You Have C-PTSD?

    January 2, 2020

    You have most likely heard the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – also known as PTSD. It is used to describe the mental and emotional anguish suffered by those who have experienced sudden trauma. PTSD is often experienced by soldiers as well as those who have been victims of rape and other crimes, and even victims of house fires and car accidents.

    Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) describes a condition that very much presents like PTSD, the difference being the sufferer experienced prolonged periods of abuse or neglect. This could happen as a result of childhood neglect or the abuse suffered at the hands of a narcissistic partner.

    Diagnosing C-PTSD

    Diagnosing C-PTSD is tricky because the symptoms are usually not very unique. That is to say, someone who is suffering from C-PTSD may be experiencing anxiety and lethargy, but these symptoms match other mental health issues.

    But it is very important to accurately diagnose C-PTSD because of the necessary treatment measures. The main difference between C-PTSD and other mental health issues – say, bipolar disorder – is that C-PTSD is a result of things that were done TO an individual, and not an intrinsic problem. In other words, someone suffers from C-PTSD because of abuse and neglect at the hands of another and not because of genetically determined brain chemistry.

    To help correctly identify C-PTSD, a therapist must uncover an accurate history to understand if:

    • The individual has experienced multiple prolonged traumas that have lasted for months (or even years)
    • The traumas were caused by someone the individual had a deep interpersonal relationship with and/or someone who was part of their primary care network (most commonly a parent or caregiver)
    • These traumas were experienced as permanent features of life, with the individual unable to see any end in sight
    • The individual had no control or power over the person traumatizing them

    Symptoms of C-PTSD

    As I just mentioned, the outward symptoms of C-PTSD may match other mental health disorders. Those symptoms include:

    • Flashbacks and nightmares in which the trauma is relived.
    • Avoiding people, places, and situations that remind them of the trauma.
    • Dizziness or nausea when remembering the trauma.
    • Hyperarousal. This is a state of high alert and one they often lived in.
    • A belief that the world is a dangerous place.
    • A loss of trust in self or others.
    • Difficulty sleeping and concentrating.
    • Being startled by loud noises.

    Treatment for C-PTSD

    There are a few different treatment options for people suffering from C-PTSD:

    Psychotherapy

    Therapy can take place on a one-to-one basis or in a group setting. The focus will be on addressing feelings, improving connections with others, and dealing with anxiety and flashbacks. Many therapists have had success using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helping people cope with the symptoms of C-PTSD.

    EMDR

    EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. This is a process that uses eye movement to help a person desensitize their reactions to a specific traumatic event. The result is the person can eventually recall the memory but have no emotional reaction to it.

    Medication

    Some individuals may need to be on medications for a while to reduce their anxiety. A therapist can work with you to determine if this is the best course of action.

     

    If you believe you are suffering from C-PTSD and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

    Filed Under: Abuse/Neglect, Anxiety, General, Trauma / PTSD

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    477 E. Butterfield Road Suite 310 Lombard, IL 60148

    (773) 236-0562 Lfuechtmann@gmail.com

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